I remember about 500 years ago. I was probably 20, and probably about as beautiful as I would ever be. But did I know that? Nooooo! Does anyone realize when they’re at the top of their game? Nooooo! So, I was shopping for an Easter dress. I remember this as if it were yesterday. That’s how pitiful this is. I tried on this beautiful lemon yellow sheath. (60-somethings know what I mean when I say “sheath”.) It was perfect. It was a Jackie Onassis dress — a classic. So, I stepped outside of the dressing room, probably in order to show off a bit, in front of the 3-way mirror. And it happened…. This burly (may I say “BURLY“?) clerk came up to me and said, and may I quote her 500 years later, “Oh darling, women with a fuller figure should not wear a sleeveless dress.” Yep, she said that. To me. All 125 pounds of me.
Well, that stuck. Forever. And here’s where it gets really rotten. From that point on, I do not believe I was ever to be seen again in a sleeveless dress. For the next zillion years, I spent all spring and summer in 3/4 length sleeves, regardless of the weather.
And now, here I am, a 60-something — just a shadow over 125 pounds — and guess what? I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!! Ha! And I should!! If I hear the term “bat wings” one more time, I’m going to throw something! But if I throw something, the aftershock of my wobbly upper arms might kill somebody. So, I will remain calm. However, with this new-found calm, comes the resolution. I’ve spent the majority of my life hiding what I now realize to be fairly normal upper arms. But now, my upper arms have actually caught up with my hang-up!
Well I’m trying something new. I vowed at the beginning of this year that it would be “MY BEST YEAR EVER”. Given that solemn oath, I’m going to forgive my upper arms. I’m going to embrace them. I’m going to become one with my upper arms. And while I’m doing that, I’m going to implement a new scientific study. Every time I do a load of laundry, I’m going to do 10 arm lifts, on each side, with my ever-so-huge jug of ever-so-concentrated laundry soap. (I first typed “15” and revised that to “10”.) I will start tomorrow, May 24, 2012. I will do this for the remainder of the summer — and I will report to you on “Rally Day”, September 1, 2012.
I would include photos of the BEFORE and AFTER, but I’m not a complete idiot! You’ll have to take my word on this!
Have a great day!