Send Me A Sign

It is so quiet.

The air conditioner makes a terrible rattle. Never noticed that before. The clock in the office softly ticks the seconds away. Time is passing. Time did not stand still. I could swear it stood still. Thirteen days.

Two finches land on the feeder outside my window. I sit and stare, motionless. One finch takes a position on an upper branch and watches for the enemy while his partner eats. He waits, rubbing his bill impatiently against the branch, his head making quick little jerks from side to side, watching in all directions. She flies to a nearby tree. He follows. Who will watch out for me? Who will fly by my side?

They say to watch for the signs. Sit quietly and listen. Wait. He will come to you with a blessing, a love message, if you just be patient. I sit. I stare. I listen. I try to quiet my heart, but its anxious beats thud against my chest, deep inside. When will that stop?

I remember, days ago, through unstoppable sobs, I pleaded with him. If you can, honey, please send me a sign. Let me know when you see that beautiful place. Let me know that Jesus is right there, just as He promised. But now I understand. He will not send me a sign. Not now. He already did. Every day of his life. In the way he lived out his faith. I know that now. He is gone. He is sitting in the palm of our Father’s hand and he is reveling in his new-found, glorious home. He is free. He is light. He is laughing. He is telling a joke to his brothers and teasing his sisters. He is holding his dear mother and father in his arms. He is free.

My husband wrote: “I know God is in my corner and when it is my time for Him to take me home, He will. My hope is that all of my family hold fast to their faith, practice it, and that we will all meet again in His House.”

I am not alone. God watches over me. I am surrounded by loving hearts who are slowly showing me the way of my new life.  A new journey begins.

God’s Peace!

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About susansplace

Widowed in 2012, I am a mother and grandmother. Born in San Francisco, I now live in the town I grew up in: Mill Valley, California. I love nature photography. Just an amateur but that's OK! My goal: world peace. Got any ideas?
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14 Responses to Send Me A Sign

  1. Christine. says:

    This was a truly amazing post. I have a lump in my throat. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. donna says:

    Dear Sue, I am thinking of you everyday… your words were so poignant and beautiful…
    When my brother passed away, I did the same .. I looked everywhere for a sign that he was okay, that he was with our parents and grandparents, I practically searched every nook and cranny looking for the slightest thing off kilter or odd, something I could read as a sign… but then I realized it was not something I could see but that I could feel… and that was the immense love in my heart still for him… ever strong…..I realized love doesn’t die … so that must mean my brother is still here with me..because I feel that love that never weakens or waivers… just as your love for Walter will always be with you. They are waiting for us and until that beautiful reunion, our love will keep us strong and our faith in God on the right path back to them…
    You are so loved by so many of us…

  3. Bev says:

    Truly touching, Sue….. You chose such beautiful words, as always…. I had goose bumps as I read…. I’m searching for words to describe how moved I’m feeling right now….. I will read this again and again…… You’re in my heart and thoughts, ALWAYS…… I love you….

  4. May Susie and I be as gracious when it is our time…God’s blessings to you.

    Be encouraged!

  5. Jan says:

    What beautiful writing. He is teaching you patience while you are waiting. That’s another key lesson we all need to learn and practice. When you are least expecting it, you will know.

  6. Joy says:

    Dear Sue,
    You are such an inspiration to everyone who knows you. Your ability to share your thoughts and feelings is incredible. It is a blessing to know and love you. It was such a privilege to know Walt and to witness his Faith.
    Your friends,
    Joy and Gail

  7. This is touching on so many levels. I’m sorry. For some reason I have not seen your posts recently. I follow, but missed it. I am so sorry for your loss. I know it has been a long hard road, but he is home. My prodigal son sent an email last Sat. Apparently it is more anti-faith and that he doesn’t believe in hell or heaven anymore. Kel told me a little because I have not had the heart to read it yet. Heaven is real and hope is not misplaced. I can’t help but wonder where he will find hope and the purpose for living when the hard stuff of life strikes. 😦 I plan to tell him that the enemy doesn’t believe in hell either.

  8. susansplace says:

    I am guessing that your son has experienced a serious loss, and so he’s giving up on God. I’m also guessing that at some point, unknown to you at this point, he will return to his faith. I’m sorry, too. I know how much it hurts to hear those words from our children. That’s one of my daily prayers — (I have two daughters and three stepdaughters) — that they grow in their faith, or find faith, or do a better job living out their Christian faith!

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