Just two days ago I wrote about this being my “quiet time”. Uh huh. Sure. For anyone who knows me, you may have thought “Oh, pleeeeze…!” and you would have been right. At yesterday’s grief support group, I came off a little less quiet and more like a runaway train! Good grief! Somebody shut her up!
If you’ve ever gone to a group anything, there typically are those that sit quietly, demurely, hands folded in their lap, eyes downcast, taking it all in, not speaking unless they have something really important to say. And then there is the other guy….arrives late, but has something to say at every turn. Must be heard at all costs, and in disregard of anyone else who may have something to share. This guy is first up and is convinced he can save the world with his new found wisdom. Yeah. You might as well hang a bell around his neck and call him me. Wow!
For all those group leaders that wonder how they can get that special person to shut up and give someone else a chance, I apologize! To all those poor folks that wish they could have found the nerve and perhaps, the air space, to share a small nugget, I apologize!
But let me explain. A woman joined the group whom I had not met before. She lost her husband two years ago and was still unable to move forward and simply stalled on her tracks. (Not like me, who apparently has no end to her tracks). Well, I wanted to “fix it”. That has been my motto all my life, and undoubtedly my demise in many instances. Often, my kids would say, “Mom, I’d like to talk to you, but you don’t need to fix it. Just listen.”
Last week, I wasn’t sure if I liked this group therapy idea. It felt too raw and too painful. It felt awkward. It made me cry. This week, I wanted to fix all the people in the room, and particularly the sweet woman who was hurting so much. I also recognized something else. I recognized that as the loss of my husband sinks in, I am slowly learning to cope and I am getting better. I wish that poor woman had gone to a group therapy session long ago.
And one other thing. If I’m allowed to attend the next meeting, I’ll slow my train down a bit, in the knowledge that I cannot fix everyone and everything, and I’ll become a better listener!
Big hug and thanks to the lovely lady who invited me to the group. She knows who she is!