Color Me Blue

I have been unable to blog lately. Working through something. So, why I stew in my blue, I receive this from my daughter, and my heart turns a lovely warm yellow!
The journey begins.  The cab was early.  The plane is on time.  Everything was done, organized, arranged and confirmed.  From Dulles to Dallas to Sedona, I am sitting by myself in a row of three seats.  Yep.  Little ‘ol me.  Space.  I am filled with excitement and anticipation, as I have been feeling the energy of this event building in the last few weeks.  From test achievement to depression to sad lunch to joyful birthday weekend in an unforgettable snow…don’t think I don’t feel you Universe, that push that nudges me from behind, crowding my space, waiting for me to make a move, any action.  But instead I sit still in myself and feel it.  And I don’t go to class.  And I don’t fake the lunch.  And I listen and feel.  I recognize the okayness of the moment even in it’s dampness.  That makes me breathe.  And I don’t get tighter.  I feel and trust in you and I am free.  Now I realize that nudge behind me was you all along.  Finally I recognize you God, but I have never really liked that name.  There seem to be so many conflicting ideas of what you are, too much room for getting it wrong.  And that is the funny part, all of those ideas are right, because how you show up for me is mine.  And how you show up for him is his.  And my filter of love is purple, his is yellow.  We are looking, feeling, the same love, but it looks purple from here.  Yellow from there.  I like yellow too.  I can feel yellow.  I can at least be open to yellow because what I know is that we are all looking at the same thing, love.
So my story today begins with an awakening, to love and God, on the plane and what could matter more?  My story will continue when, in the arms of the others also arriving here today, we lift each other up in healing love.  Red, yellow, purple, orange, green, blue…and we all meld together into one amazing, magnetic rainbow, that yes, is magical.  No doubt this colorful force has powers, super powers, that some can’t fathom.  It is true and real, my purple self has felt it so many times now there is no room left for doubt.  And to live in a space without doubt dragging you back, well, that is freedom.  Quiet, powerful, colorful, super-powered freedom, that once felt, never dies.
If for a moment you feel weighed down with doubt, meaning you have a brief forgetting, and you go unconscious to love, no worries.  That freedom you know will immediately shine through the cracks of your doubt and blast the darkness.  You won’t lose your freedom.  You never lost it in the first place…you were looking for purple.  And maybe it was yellow that day.
_____________
I love you, dear daughter — Always.
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About susansplace

Widowed in 2012, I am a mother and grandmother. Born in San Francisco, I now live in the town I grew up in: Mill Valley, California. I love nature photography. Just an amateur but that's OK! My goal: world peace. Got any ideas?
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4 Responses to Color Me Blue

  1. Laura says:

    Love you too Mom!

  2. Kay Howard says:

    You are loved by many friends. Thinking of you. Kay

  3. susansplace says:

    Thank you, Kay, and right back atcha! As you know, you go through ups and downs with our new lives!

  4. Polly says:

    Aunt Sue…thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. we love you…always. Polly

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